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Seksuaalisen väkivallan tunnistaminen ja ymmärtäminen parisuhteessa on sekä uhrille että tekijälle merkittävää. Aina tekijä tai uhri tai kumpikaan ei jäsennä tapahtunutta seksuaaliseksi väkivallaksi. Myös kulttuuriimme liittyvät stereotypiat ja sukupuolisuuteen liittyvät käytännöt saattavat ylläpitää ajatusta siitä, että omat toimintatavat seksuaalisuudessa suhteessa toiseen ovat oikeutettuja, eikä väkivallaksi määriteltäviä käytäntöjä osata tunnistaa. Myös aikuisviihteen välittämä käsitys seksuaalisuudesta voi joissain tilanteessa tukea uhrin ajatusta siitä mihin pitää suostua, mikä kuuluu naisen tai miehen rooliin. Tältä pohjalta myös ammattilaisen on joskus vaikea tunnistaa tai jäsentää seksuaalisen väkivallan ilmiötä ollessaan myös saman kulttuurin toimija: erilaiset sukupuolisuuteen liittyvät kulttuuriset oletukset vaikuttavat myös ammattilaisten tulkintoihin tilanteista, ja joskus ne voidaan tästä näkökulmasta tulkita uhria vähätteleviksi ja tätä kautta myös uudelleen traumatisoiviksi.
Olennaista on ammattilaisena auttaa asiakasta jäsentämään ja näkemään omat toiveet, tahto, tavoitteet ja erityisesti omat kehon ja mielen rajat. Se mihin haluan ja voin suostua ilman että jätän huomiotta omat rajat ja tunteet. Seksuaalisesti väkivallan kriteerien täyttymisen tunnistamisessa on olennaista oma tahto ja suostumus, joka ei ole syntynyt koetun painostuksen tai riippuvuuden alla. Tärkeää on ohjata asiakas kysymään itseltään teenkö tai suostunko vastentahtoisesti, koenko pakottamista tai pelkoa jos kieltäydyn. Jos ammattilaisella on tunne tai epäilys asiakkaan kertoman tai muiden näkyvien merkkien kautta seksuaalisesta väkivallasta parisuhteessa, se pitää huomioida, ja se on myös tärkeää ottaa puheeksi välittäen ja ymmärtäen. Seksuaalisen väkivallan osalta asiakas tuntee niinkuin yleensä väkivallan uhri: häpeää ja syyllisyyttä,vihaa ja monenlaisia muita tunteita. Usein myös pelko liittyy vahvasti tilanteisiin. Ammattilaisena näiden tunteiden tunnistaminen ja muiden väkivaltaan yeisemmin liittyvien merkkien havainnointi on tärkeää. On tärkeää muistaa myös, että usein eri väkivallan muodot liittyvät toisiinsa. Uhrin itsenäisyyttä, menemisiä ja tulemisia, sukulaissuhteita, rahankäyttöä ja muuta voi olla rajoitettu. Kun näitä havaintoja tekee, on puheeksiottamisen jälkeen erityisen tärkeää että ammattilainen antaa tietoa siitä, mikä on seksuaalista väkivaltaa ja mikä on lainvastaista ja/tai rangaistavaa, mitä oikeuksia kullakin on, mitä palveluja ja mahdollisuuksia on käytössä. Tiedon välittäminen ja antaminen on tärkeää, koska väkivaltaisessa suhteessa elävän on usein vaikea itse tunnistaa seksuaalista väkivaltaa tilanteiden toistuessa ja selviytymisen keinoja käyttäessä. Tai vaikka tunnistaisi, harvalla väkivallan uhrilla on riittävästi tietoa oikeuksista ja palveluista, jota hän kipeästi tarvitsisi pystyäkseen tekemään oikeita omaa hyvinvointia palvelevia ratkaisuja. Olennaista on myös auttaa myöhempiä tilanteita varten asiakasta viestimään siitä, mitkä ovat omat rajat ja näin edistää asiakkaan mahdollisuuksia ehkäistä seksuaalisen väkivallan kohtaamista.
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